“Before embarking on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.” – Teach Different with Confucius – Self-Control and Boundaries

Transcript

Dan Fouts (00:09)

Good evening, everybody. Welcome to the Teach Different podcast. We are really excited tonight to have an amazing quote by Confucius on revenge that we’re going to be getting to in a moment, just an absolute thought provoking gem. And our guest tonight is Jarvis Funches who is going to be talking about his background and his story and how he’s affiliated with Teach Different. He’s our guest tonight, and we’ve got Steve with us, and we’re raring to go. For those who’ve never heard this method before, any of our listeners out there, we’re going to start with this quote this time with Confucius, and we’re going to try to interpret it. What does it mean? Kind of putting it in your own words, making it your own, and then we’re going to push against it and disagree with it and maybe come up with a different way to look at the world that is just as interesting and important and meaningful. And then when you’re going to ask some questions, if they come up during the conversation, this is a place where we think freely beyond the bounds of structure, and we just enjoy conversations together. I mean, we need to do this in society so much more, and we’re just excited to be here to do it. So I’m going to read the quote twice as I always do. And then we’re going to have Jarvis come in and talk a little bit about his background and then give a crack at the meaning of the quote. Here we go. Confucius, before embarking on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. Before embarking on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. Jarvis welcome to the Teach Different podcast great to have you here. 

 

Jarvis Funches (02:02)

Hey, how you doing Mr. Fouts? It’s wonderful to be on here. My name is Jarvis and I want to speak on that quote of, you know, revenge 

 

Steve Fouts (02:11)

Give a little background Jarvis. Share who you are first.

 

Jarvis Funches (02:14)

Okay. I’m Jarvis Funches. I’ve been incarcerated multiple times. I have been in and out on my journey of finding myself. Previously, I just spent three years in Dixon. That is a state penitentiary, due to the fact of not knowing myself and not having the right tools or not even using my knowledge, let me be exact, and trying to get revenge and not just trying to stay focused on my positive goals. And I ended up finding myself in prison for three years. This is when I really started to get the chance to sit down and soak into my own decisions, may I say. And this is where I learned to be a man. And this is what I mean by not even trying to always go for revenge. It’s like I would say in my end, it turned out to be a failure every time because in the Bible, it says the revenge belongs to God and only him. You know what I’m saying? Every time I found myself trying to take revenge on something that didn’t work in my favor or anyone or anything. I always suffered the real consequences. I always got the short end of the staff and I always got that, I always had to suffer the wrath of that. So, like, if I’m here to help anybody, you know, on that cause, you know, like, revenge is not the way. And the best revenge is just being positive and doing the things that you really want to do in life. ‘Cause I mean like what’s better than getting back at people in the most positive way. People want to see you down, you know, people see you at a certain level in life and when you start to elevate, it irritates them because now you’re no longer beneath them. You’re no longer a servant. You’re no longer a pedestal. So now it becomes a challenge for them. So they try to put you back in that timeframe. They try to do things to you. They try to spark plugs to you, you know, just to make you crash out in a new word of today. It’ll make you crash out and it’ll make you forget about everything and all your goals that you have on here. So I would tell a lot of young people, man, I’m 22. I work for CTA. I’m a power washer now. I sat in jail for three years, man, in a cell 23 hours a day. I learned to myself, that’s not the way I want it to go.That’s not who I want it to be. 

 

Steve Fouts (04:41)

Revenge is not helpful to finding whatever that state of mind you have now, right? It gets in the way. I mean, before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves, he’s saying what? He’s saying, you’ve got to realize if you’re going to go negative and you’re going to put yourself in a situation where it’s so important to you to get back at someone else, you’re going to risk more than just your time and energy. You’re going to risk yourself. And I would even add in what it’s saying. If you really think about the quote. Think of all the people that love you and support you and like need you. They’re in that risk that you put out there. If you’re going after revenge, they’re collateral damage. 

 

Jarvis Funches (05:37)

Absolutely. Absolutely. 

 

Steve Fouts (05:39)

I just throw that out. I’m building on the quote a little bit, but that’s… the revenge is the issue.

 

Jarvis Funches (05:46)

And revenge is the issue and that’s what I meant by having the right teachers around you, Steve, is because when you’ve got the right teacher around you and the right teacher in your ear, these people can also, well, let me, let me backtrack a little bit. Having the right teacher, one, can help you because he has experience. He has not only lived what you live, but he also beat what you’re going through. So just to have that teacher in your ear, you know, like, man, look, that’s not the way this is the way it may not seem to be the way, but I’m telling you it’s the way and follow this path and everything’s going to work out. See, now we don’t have any guidance. So now we’re stuck off of number one, society standards of us. And number two, the standards that we have amongst our peers. So if I’m not living up to these quotes, I mean, if I’m not living up to these standards, what am I doing? And that’s what revenge come in. It’s because now you’re battling your own demons. You have no knowledge. You don’t have no right teachers around you. So now you’re battling your demons on your own. So now you’re going from dark to positive, from dark to positive, from dark to positive. By the time you find yourself, it’s too late. And that’d be the problem now. We need more teachers. You know, like the quote says, it’s too many Indians and not enough chiefs. We need our leaders back. I mean, it takes time and our leaders have to understand that, you know, it’s going to take time and you have to, you guys got to be patient with us too, because it’s been so long that we have not had the guidance. So when we start to get the guidance, of course we’re going to refuse it. Of course, we’re going to rebel against it because it’s not what we’re knowing. It’s not what we know. So that’s the two graves right there. I’m already digging a grave for myself because I’m not using my knowledge. I’m not using my wisdom. So I’m killing myself, let alone with trying to hurt you, or destroy whatever you got building on. That’s not the way God works. God lives in harmony. If me and you can’t live in harmony, it’ll never work, my brother. It’ll never work. 

 

Dan Fouts (07:49)

I like what you said earlier, Jarvis, about being positive somehow is the way to sometimes deal with people who come against you for whatever reason, because if you do that, if you can somehow do that, then you’re not digging another grave for yourself. You’re keeping yourself out of the grave. 

 

Jarvis Funches (08:13) 

Exactly. You keep yourself out of the grave because you’re going to learn to understand your value, and that’s what I did in jail. I learned to understand my value. That wasn’t my future. That wasn’t the future that I had planned for myself to be a rebellious person or to always retaliate or even let alone with that powerful quote that you said, dig a grave for myself. I already was in my own grave to be shockingly said. I already was in my own grave because I wasn’t using my knowledge. I wasn’t using nothing. I wasn’t. I was just here. I was just so mad at the world and mad at my peers around me. I wanted to seek that type of revenge. I didn’t want to see nobody do better than me because I was miserable. I loved the company. I was miserable. It’s okay for me to say that because I beat it now. I was miserable. I loved to have that company around me. So if I see you doing better, I want to pull you down and see what it took me to do is go to prison. I had to learn how to sleep in a cell with another grown man for 23 hours a day. I was only let out of my cell like a dog for one hour. It took 30 minutes to wash up and 30 minutes to use a phone call on a deck with 150 men. How am I going to make a phone call? How am I going to take a shower? But see, I put myself there thinking that revenge was the way. And now I have dug my own grave. See, I was already dying. I was already in my own grave. I was just waiting to execute somebody else. But see, God made me take this time out and he set me down. Because he had to let me see for myself, like, hey, is this the way that you really want to go? Is this where you really want to be? Are these who you really want to be around? I put you here for a greater purpose. And my greater purpose is not only to find myself, but to help other people find themselves. My peers find themselves. It’s okay to sit. Man, what people my age don’t understand is, the worst feeling ever, you know? And the worst price to pay ever? Man, I’d rather pay the price so much now to be so successful because the price that I’m going to pay to be unsuccessful is so, it’s so much greater than I’m going to pay to be successful. And I had to learn that and now I have the bad thing in my head. I had to beat it in my head. Can’t nobody give it to you. We could talk to you all day about this. We could talk to you all day about digging two graves and killing your soul. We could talk to you all day about telling you that revenge is not the way, but until you find yourself and you find out that, hey, that’s not who I want to be, then that’s when it comes into effect. Because now you start not only saying you don’t wanna live like that, you start to walk like that. And one thing that I learned in jail, like I told my teacher, Steve, man, Dr. Fouts, cause he was a real big help back in 2018 when I was in school, man, like, I understand that to be like them, you’re not unique, but to be like yourself, you’re very unique. And that’s what made me stay positive because I don’t have to be an asshole because you’re an asshole. You know what I’m doing? I’m killing you with positivity. Okay. I’m gonna go over here. You take that over. I’m not mad at you. No, I’m not mad at you, but I will not tolerate your stupidness, your disrespect, or I will not tolerate you trying to bring me down mentally, emotionally or physically. I can’t. So I’m going to kill you with positivity, you know where you go that way. And I’m going to go this way. 

 

Steve Fouts (11:31) 

Jarvis, let me go with this. As you know, I had you when you were 16 years old in that history class at Austin. So I saw you, you know, in that, yeah, well, I say off the chain, but you know what I’m saying? Like you were not aware of yourself. But one thing I did always see in you, which I’m seeing now again, is just an intelligence and a way to like process the world and share a story, and do it authentically, you know. Your voice is so important. Likeyou’re speaking wisdom now, and you’re really saying things that other people can identify with. And I want to pick up on this idea that you just bridged, I want to move to the counterclaim a little bit of this quote. Okay. We’ve been talking a lot, right, about revenge. How that that’s not going to get you where you need to be. Okay, that’s what this quote saying, you know, it’s self defeating, but that doesn’t change the fact that the world is not a nice place.

 

Jarvis Funches (12:46) 

No, it doesn’t. Not at all. 

 

Steve Fouts (12:47) 

And there are people that are going to challenge you. They’re going to try to punk you out. They want to know where you’re willing to go if they push you over here. And my counterclaim is …

 

Jarvis Funches (13:05)

Hit me with it. Hit me with it. 

 

Steve Fouts (13:07)

Are there times when you really should get your lick back? If someone does something to you that’s wrong, that hurts you, are there some times when getting a little bit of revenge on them, and I’m not talking about just remaining positive, right, and then going in your own corner. I’m talking about just something that’s a little bit more in their face that kind of reminds them that you can’t treat me this way. I’m putting you on notice. Are there times when a little bit of revenge is appropriate? That’s what I’ll put out there. It’s kind of an essential question in a way, but what do you think?

 

Jarvis Funches (13:51) 

What I think personally, I mean, to be honest, I wake up every day and want to get my revenge back. But I could truly say that’s really up to you. I mean, and what I mean by it is up to you is like, is you willing to pay that price? See, that’s what I learned sitting in prison, Mr. Fouts. Like, is you willing to pay that price? Doesn’t matter if it’s little, big or small, are you willing to pay that price? And you know, like a wise man once said, everything in life comes at a price. So, I mean, if you want to get the revenge back, if it’s solely on your mind, I mean, God will only allow you to do the things that he truly will allow you to do because you have to pay the price. So, I could say sometimes it’s necessary though. Sometimes, it’s necessary. I feel like it’s necessary to get your, to get a little bit of revenge back, but not so, you know, to the point where you’re going to hurt somebody or was really going to burn down the village. But I would say it’s necessary because sometimes, like you say, people do need to understand what that line lies in the sand, you know? And a lot of people will continue on to, to push, push, push, push, push until you really showed them. So, I mean, it’s necessary sometimes, but  just don’t make it to where it’s a price that you wasn’t willing to pay. That’s what I can really say. 

 

Dan Fouts (15:26)

Yeah. Maybe another way to say, I love that Jarvis. I think that it’s that interesting balancing act. You know? The question I would come up with is how do you know when to take revenge?

 

Jarvis Funches (15:38)

I mean, I don’t want to always say God, God, God, but like, cause we stay in a realistic world, but God is realistic. I mean, the time will present itself. There is a right time for everything. There’s a time and place for everything. And I mean, like, the right time will present itself. Like, just say for instance, okay, Mr. Fouts treated me like a, acted like an asshole to me, okay? A couple of weeks back, okay? Now God put it in my head to, well, Mr. Fouts need me now. You see what I’m saying? Now, two weeks ago, you just acted like an ass to me. But now you need me to get you out of debt, or you need me to come pick you up because you got a flat tire, or something like that. Now you’re really hurting them. You’re not really, you’re hurting them in a way of not being their aid. You see what I’m saying? 

 

Steve Fouts (16:24)

Yeah, that’s a way to get revenge. 

 

Javis Funches (16:27)

Exactly, because you fucked over me the first time. That was me being a fool. See, I let you fuck over me the first time. That was me being a fool. But now I know better and now the time has presented itself where you need me again. So now this is going to give me the opportunity to decide. I have two options. I’m either going to one, help you and let you use me again. And let it continue on. Or two, I’m going to decline you and I’m going to decline you respectfully, after the simple fact that you’re treating me like an asshole the last time and you don’t understand the value that I have or the value that I bring to you.

 

Dan Fouts (16:59)

It’s boundaries Jarvis, right? It’s setting boundaries for yourself. Sometimes revenge is needed to establish boundaries that someone cannot cross. 

 

Steve Fouts (17:12)

I like that definition. If someone were to try to answer the question, like what type of revenge should you go for? If you’re setting boundaries for yourself and all you’re really doing is disappointing someone who’s trying to take advantage of you again, you’re doing them a favor and you’re doing yourself a favor by ignoring them and getting that lick back a little bit and just making them go through something a little bit. You’re teaching them a lesson in a way, and it’s not so over the top. 

 

Jarvis Funches (17:48)

Exactly.

 

Steve Fouts (17:49) 

I like that. I like it. 

 

Jarvis Funches (17:50)

Exactly. Exactly. Because it’s always going to present itself. I mean, like, those moments to this very day, I wake up, I’m not perfect, I’m not a robot, and I’m not God. I wake up and the Lord knows I have my days where I really want to do it, but I have to think about myself. Okay. There’s gonna be a price that I’m gonna have to pay if, for instance, I put my hands on this person. That’s gonna be a price i’m gonna have to pay. Okay, logically speaking, I could go to jail or logically speaking I can hurt this person. You know what I’m saying? So, those are the prices that I was telling you about earlier that you have to really sit back and think about the prices that you want to pay. You know, like I ain’t you guys, I know you guys had a day where somebody’s just being so ignorant just make you want to slap him upside the head, but it’d be like hey look, you know, you’re an asshole. Okay. And I’m just going to leave because what you’re doing is going to cause me to do something that, you know, and who has time for that? You know what I’m saying? Like nobody has time for that. So I would say, get your revenge back. Don’t be too evil with it. And it’s going to present itself. I mean, it’s time and a place for everything. It’s going to present itself. Whether we like it, you like it, or anybody likes it. That time is going to present itself. 

 

Steve Fouts (19:09)

I like that. I like that balance, letting it happen, having faith that God will help you show the way so that it’s appropriate at every given moment. Dan, what are your thoughts? Is that making sense? 

 

Dan Fouts (19:25)

Very much so. I like the balance. I like how we started with the claim revenge is always going to get you in a bad place. But then when we went to the counterclaim, I think as a group, we realized that standing your ground and setting boundaries is a kind of a different type of revenge that’s actually healthy for you and the people around you. So it’s learning the discernment, figuring out 2hat’s the best way to do this in life? This is fantastic.

 

Steve Fouts (20:00)

When is the time to seek revenge and what does it look like? How far are you gonna go? 

 

Jarvis Funches (20:07)

Exactly. And that’s what I mean by the time is gonna present itself. And that’s when you have the option to either go far with it or not go far with it. I mean, it is just in a human way, man. I, me personally, I found myself and I figured that if it’s, first of all, if it’s revenge that I want, it’s going to present itself. And when it do present itself, that’s when I have the option to shoot the ball on my court. I mean, lately I’ve been kind of turning that option down because of the simple fact that karma is real to me. And that’s why I live so much on the balance side, because karma is real for me. And like I said, I didn’t call myself being an asshole back to people that was assholes to me, and it just created another asshole. It never got me anywhere. So, you know, I’m kind of living on that quote, two wrongs don’t make a right, you know? I’m living on that. And I mean, everybody’s different. Everybody’s at a different time in their life, and that also plays a big part. Where are you in life? And like, that’s where you really could base all your answers off of is when you find out what space you at in life. Is you at space to where you can’t turn your back? Is you at the space to where you can’t let it slide anymore? Or is you at the space where you just, you’re numb to it? You don’t care. 

 

Steve Fouts (21:31)

That feeds back into that idea of a teacher, Jarvis. Like, because everyone is at a different developmental stage with this, right? And it’s around the right people when you’re making that decision on revenge and you get someone in your ear who’s like, I’m telling you what’s going to happen. Okay. You can take this advice or not. You know, but you’ve got to realize there’s a price to this. You just get someone getting you thinking about things. If you’re just around people that think like you, that aren’t unique, that are not rare, that aren’t, you know, the special person that they are and that has a mission and a call. If they don’t know any of this stuff and you’re just hanging around those people, it’s going to just happen. Just naturally.

 

Jarvis Funches (22:26)

I mean, this is going to get passed right down. I mean, the birds of a feather flock together. I mean, I’m not going to be no smarter than the guy that’s on the road, that’s on the side of me, because everybody attention span is on the same level. I mean, and it’s the things that you got to offer me and teach me, being next to my fellow or my peers, I mean, I don’t have really anything to learn, but the things that I already learned, I mean, look how far that’s getting me. So, you have to seek those teachers, man. And I mean, like when you do find a teacher, they have to be patient with you because you’re not gonna, you’re not going to think like them. You’re not going to react like them. You’re not even going to have the same thinking process as them. And that’s where the challenge is going to become, because that’s what patients come in that, it takes time to grow a plant and it also takes time to teach someone. I mean, you could teach someone how to do anything and I mean anything. And if you got the right teacher around you, you could be a magnificent person. I mean, it just takes time, man. 

 

Steve Fouts (23:28)

And Jarvis, you’ve got a son. 

 

Jarvis Funches (23:33)

Man, I’ve got a son, man. I’ve got a two year old son, man.

 

Steve Fouts (23:35)

Share, share. How old’s your son? Like, share this because, look you talk about finding teachers. Someone has a teacher in the house. 

 

Jarvis Funches (23:44)

Man, and that’s the most beautifulest part. See, I have a two year old son, man. His name is Amani Funches, man. He’s the most beautiful gift God could ever give to me, man. He actually was born when I was in prison. A year, no, I think it was like, man, probably two months before I went in to serve my time, I found out that my baby mama was pregnant. Just the whole time being in jail, not even being able to be there when he was born or cut the cord or anything, man. Coming home to a one year old and a half, it was like, flabbergasting, man. Like, I was looking at the guy like, hey, you really mine? But, you know, it snaps though. Like, you know, like just seeing him, he’s a spit image of me. I mean, he watches me do everything and now that I’m even thinking in this process, I mean, and he’s the one that really saves me the most. Like my son, because I never had my father. Well, my father died because he was the gang chief, you know, he was murdered and executed in front of my face. So when I say I never had my father, he was taken from me in a very young age, 13, man. So just even being able to give my son the energy to be a father and to be a guidance to him, man, it’s the most wonderful thing ever. I don’t want nobody else teaching them, but it’s already saying it takes a village to raise a child. But that man, he’s the one that keeps me going, man. I mean, he keeps me going. And one thing for sure, when I walk in that room and I see him sleep, man, it lets me know that, hey, when I do get that opportunity to take my revenge, I have a little one to think about. So is it really the price that I want to pay? 

 

Dan Fouts (25:31)

That’s a check on everyone’s behavior, being a parent. 

 

Jarvis Funches (25:35)

Man, a rain check. But I mean, it’s the greatest rain check of them all because man, like I tell you, it’s taught me extreme responsibility. I mean, like I have to be on a dime every time. It teaches me a sense of being a man because not only do I have to be here for him, I have to show him how to tie his shoes. I have to show him how to talk. Use the washroom. I have to be a gentleman. You know what I’m saying? Like, I have a project and I’m also a project myself. So, by me being around the right people, I can rub that off on my son. I could pass that down to my son. Like, hey, face tattoos and tattoos ain’t where it’s at, man. Hey, keep the ball in your head. Or hey, you go to college, man. Hey, all the girls you want, man, you go to college, man. You can have it all. Like nobody was ever there to really tell me that. I heard it, don’t get me wrong. I had, have great teachers on my path to where they told me, but I never had the experience. It was more like you tell me, but it go in one ear and out the other, like, you know what I’m saying? To have somebody to ingrain that in you, and to beat that in you, man, like, I’m big team Amani, man, like, I would do anything to keep my son out of harm’s way, and he keeps me out of harm’s way because I know I have a responsibility. So if you piss me off today, I can’t fuck you up, excuse my French, because I have a responsibility, and that’s the best thing ever, because I have to go home to my son. I have to be a parent to my son. I have to be a guide and a guardian for my son. I cannot let you trick me out of my spot. And that’s why this counterclaim with that revenge, it really just lit a light bulb in my head because like, man, like I say, I do wake up every day and I’m still human and I do have those times where I do want to just crash out. But my son is that ringing bell. He’s that final alarm before I reach explosion. Hey, you explode, he out here and now he going through the same thing you was going through, and now you’re gonna have somebody else teaching him and not even teaching him the right things but the wrong things, and that’s what saves me like man. Like that’s my mercy break. So just having my son around is the most amazing thing ever. I’m 22. I got a two year old son, man, there’s no book on raising a child, but man, have I been doing it? Have I been doing it?  

 

Steve Fouts (27:59)

You gotta promise me next time I’m in Chicago, we’ll arrange it. I gotta meet him, right? 

 

Jarvis Funches (28:05)

Man you for sure could meet him, man. Yeah, we all, like I tell you, we all can go out to lunch, man. We all could do it big, man. Like, I have no problem. He’s not even a problem, man. My son is actually, he’s a well mannered two year old, to be shocking. And I, man, I love him. I love him to death, man. I love him to death. Because that boy gives me something to look to every morning. Even when I don’t want to do it, and that’s where discipline comes in, too. And that’s what I mean by he’s teaching me to be a man because when I don’t want to do it, I still got to do it. You know what I’m saying? And that’s another thing that my generation don’t have. We don’t have discipline, or need of guidance. So it’s like whatever blows, that’s where it goes. And I mean, like, once we get more people like you, your brother, me, other people to just go out and share, just like now, this is a beautiful base to even go out and just tell people like, hey, you’re not the only one going through it. You’re not the only one that’s just going through what you’re going through. We got people that can relate to, but let me tell you though, you can make it. And just off living off these quotes every day, jog your brain and whatever you think of yourself is what you perceive. That’s the number one thing. Whatever you think in your head of yourself is what you perceive. That’s the image that you put out. So whatever you think in here of yourself is what you put out and that’s the most beautiful thing. And once we start reaching people in here and in their hearts, we could change the world.

 

Dan Fouts (29:32)

I love it. And just think of this little interaction tonight, this conversation, our minds were thinking about the world a little bit differently. We have a little bit more wisdom. We’ve heard each other process things, different experiences. And now we’re going to wake up tomorrow with a slightly different perspective. we got to do that more.

 

Jarvis Funches (29:54)

Exactly. And when you wake up and the most beautiful thing ever is when you wake up the next morning, God challenges your knowledge, everything you learned the day before you wake up, it’s like a boomerang. You learn something new. You go to sleep, you process it, you wake up and you don’t even know it’d be an obstacle right away. So you can use exactly what you’ve learned. And then guess what? You’d be looking at it like, man, I did that with no ease. I did that quickly. I knew they was going to come. See, when you live in a positive mind, you just got to know if you want to be positive and here and here, you just got to know when you wake up, it’s going to be something that’s going to try to throw you off. But that’s what a challenge come in at. That’s what becomes beautiful. I knew it was going to come and I was ready and I was prepared for you. I ain’t going to react. I’m not going to react the way you want me to react. I’m going to react the way I want to react. I don’t want to react to that situation like that. No, you’re not going to get that. I’m going to react to how, and that’s self control. 

 

Steve Fouts (30:55)

When you can predict it, and you kind of know it’s coming. When it comes, it doesn’t matter really how bad it is. You already are ahead. You’re smarter than it is. So you’re not getting like thrown off. You’re more like, look, I knew the game. Welcome to my world. Now I choose whether I want to do this or this or this because I know what the prices are for every action and I’m not going to blame anyone else. I’m going to make a decision that I feel comfortable with that’s going to put me in a good place. 

 

Jarvis Funches (31:35)

Exactly. And once you get like that, man, you become a bad person. I mean, like, and what I mean by a bad person, like in a good way, like you’re like Superman because you learn how to control this and it’s no longer in control of no one else around you and that’s where you defeat all your problems. Getting control of your brain here, because it goes back to what I was saying. It’s a lot of stereotypes out here in the world, man, and it’s a lot of standards that people put on you. Like, it’s a standard that somebody got on you guys right now that you don’t even know. And once you don’t meet their criteria, it’s more like you let them down. Or, it’s more like a downing feeling, like, no, I didn’t put that standard on me, you did. I’m human. I don’t live by standards. I live that I’m human. Every day I wake up, yes, I am going to try to be better than I was yesterday but you would not put a standard on me. You would not make me feel like that if I don’t make out the gold that you have put out for me today that I’m not no one. No, you’re not gonna do that. And that’s why it comes here, self-control. You have to beat your own self. I beat myself up every day in here. So what you have to say about me don’t even bother me because I’m beating myself up in here already. 

 

Steve Fouts (32:43)

Yeah, there you go. Yeah. You’re your worst enemy. So, how much should I be afraid of you if I already am mightier than you and I struggle with myself every day and I win, you know? I’m basically weightlifting for you, you know? You come to me, I’m all good. Right. So Dan, what are your thoughts here? I mean, how did we do this is, I love where it’s going, right. Setting your own standard, being in control of yourself. These are all like perfect themes.

 

Dan Fouts (33:22)

And it all feeds around the idea of revenge because revenge is about self, you know, whether to take revenge or not has everything to do with self control. So what I love about this conversation is we’re going in different directions, but we’re also, it’s all coming from the same place. It’s just being seen in different ways. I hope everyone enjoyed this on revenge and applied it to your own life. You know, we tell our listeners out there, think about how these quotes relate to you and the audiences that you serve. It could be a church. It could be a school. It could be a parent could listening to this and having some kind of conversation with their child. Everyone can receive benefit with these deep ideas because, you know, that’s where wisdom lives. And so Jarvis, we really just appreciate you coming on our podcast and sharing your unique, you know, lived experiences and wisdom and we’re just looking forward to working with you moving forward in any way we can. Thank you so much. 

 

Jarvis Funches (34:31)

Thank you. Thank you guys for the opportunity, man. Thank you for the time. Thank you for even listening, man. You know like that’s a privilege man. Just even being able to explain my story and have listening ears around man It’s like it motivates me to keep doing it. Like I said, i’m not out here by myself and I’m not the only one that feels this way. So, you know, it just, even having that listening, it makes me want to keep on pushing, man, pushing a positive and just pushing for peace, man. That’s what we are going. 

 

Steve Fouts (35:01)

Good. I appreciate you. And I’m definitely going to see the sun when I’m back in Chicago. 

 

Jarvis Funches (35:07)

Yes, sir. Yes, sir. 

 

Steve Fouts (35:08)

All right. Take care. 

 

Dan Fouts (35:10)

All right. Take care.