“Try to be a rainbow in somebody’s cloud.” Maya Angelou – Happiness

Transcript

Dan Fouts  00:01

Hello, Steve and Dan Fouts here from Teach Different. We’re veteran teachers from the United States bringing educators together from around the world to learn a simple conversation method, which we model on this podcast for you. If you’re a teacher, administrator, homeschooler, or parent who wants to use the power of conversations to build stronger relationships and fight polarization, stay tuned to hear the impact our method can have on your discussions. Then join our community of educators at teachdifferent.com for additional resources, and to participate in lively conversations among teachers and faculty, free for 30 days. 

Dan Fouts  00:43

Well, welcome everybody to the Teach Different podcast. We’re excited this week to have a quote from poet and civil rights activist Maya Angelou. We already have a few of her quotes in our library. She is definitely a quotable person, in a really good way. We have a great guest tonight, Tinisa Huff, who will be introducing yourself once she starts talking about the quote. For those unfamiliar with the Teach Different method, we’re going to start with a quote to get things rolling, then we’re going to interpret the quote, provide a claim to it, using some of our personal experiences to support our reasoning. Then, we’ll move to the counterclaim and disagree with it. We’ll do the same thing we did with the claim, come up with stories and evidence against it. We’re purposely confusing ourselves is sometimes the way I like to say it, because that’s where critical thinking comes in, when you have multiple perspectives that you have to reconcile. We’ll end with a question. As we go through this podcast, Steve, Tinisa and I will want to be thinking about a really good question that is springing up organically from our talk. We’ll have a little time at the end to share that question for you to take with you. 

Dan Fouts  02:07

Here we go with our quote from Maya Angelou. I’ll read it twice. This is a very simple, but profound one. “Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.” “Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.” Tinisa, welcome to the show. What do you think of this quote, and if you could provide a little bit of your background first, that would be great.

Tinisa Huff  02:30 – Claim

Well, hello, everyone. My name is Tinisa Huff. I’m currently embarking on my third year as a principal of a small school in a small suburb about ten minutes to the west side of Chicago, Forest Park, Illinois. Previously, I was a middle school teacher and taught seventh grade, as well as a middle school assistant principal. I have experience working with middle schoolers, and I use quotes all the time. I love Dr. Maya Angelou. When I think of her quote, “Try to be the rainbow in someone’s cloud,” I immediately think about our purpose in life. Oftentimes, our purpose in life is to do good, but also to do good and help others. This quote resonates with me. I feel that she’s basically saying that it’s up to us to lift others up. That’s why we’re here on Earth, to support others and to lift them up. If they’re feeling down, it’s our job to reach out to them and make them feel better about themselves or whatever situation that they’re going through.

Steve Fouts  03:33

It’s so straightforward, right? The best wisdom does not have to be complicated. I’m thinking of this from the student perspective right now, and have a way to kick off this discussion. If we had some students, we could ask them, are there people in your life that you try to make happy, that you find yourself trying to pick others up and help them have a better outlook? You can also switch it up and ask, do you have anybody in your life that you rely on sometimes to make you happy when you’re sad? Then, follow that with a simple question, does anyone feel like sharing an experience about someone who did that? 

Tinisa Huff  04:34

Or, what do you do when you see your friend come to school and they’re having a bad day? What do you do to lift their spirits and make their day better? I would go to my leadership role, but I’ve been in the pandemic, and I started as a principal during the pandemic. For the last two years, I feel like I’ve been the rainbow in everybody else’s cloud, constantly filling it with positivity. I’ve had several staff members who have had loved ones die, and some really heavy stuff happening. It’s just about being there for people as much as you can without being intrusive, and just supporting them. Sometimes just listening and not offering a suggestion or a fix, because sometimes they just want to vent and get it out. It’s constantly how you show up for others.

Dan Fouts  05:26

Yeah, that’s great. I’m glad you mentioned the listening part, because a lot of times when someone’s hurting or needs a pick me up, it’s not about solving a problem as much as just being present and being a good listener for them. That brightens someone’s day, even if you don’t fix anything. That’s amazing. You started your administrative journey during the pandemic? Wow! Well, one way to look at it Tinisa, is that it’s not going to get any harder than this.

Tinisa Huff  06:01

If I could do this, then I can get through anything, right? Thinking about the quote, when I was a middle school assistant principal, my students would often tell me that their teachers didn’t listen to them, or they didn’t feel heard. I’m a big advocate of respect, and the middle schools today are huge on respect. Whereas, we grew up in a time when teachers expect respect, because that’s their role. Now, it’s different. To be honest, respect is not given to you because you are in a position of authority. When you treat children with respect and they know that you care about them, you have to care first, then you can teach them anything. I think about how important it is to listen to them. Somebody has to be an advocate. They have to find that person, whether it was me or someone else. I was never offended, if they didn’t choose me, because I was often the one handing out the consequences when they got into trouble. Every child needs a person who is going to be their rainbow on a cloudy day. If it’s not their friend, then they can go to the teacher down the hall because they know that she understands them and listens to them. She can read their mood and energy when they hit the door.

Steve Fouts  07:25

That’s part of the beauty of schools. If kids don’t have a rainbow at home, there is usually someone at school who can be that person. It doesn’t have to be everybody, right?

Tinisa Huff  07:46

There’s this saying that kids who are loved come to school to learn, and kids who aren’t loved at home come to school to be loved. So, it’s our role, unfortunately, as educators, to love on them. Oftentimes, the toughest kids need the most love, because they’re lacking it. Their behaviors, communication or acting out, are because there’s something that they need or a need is not being met.

Dan Fouts  08:08

Could you say that again, that quote? I have never heard that.

Tinisa Huff  08:13

Kids who are loved come to school to learn, and kids who are not loved at home come to school to be loved.

Dan Fouts  08:22

Wow. Schools have the responsibility to meet everybody’s needs. That was a very good way to say that the needs are so different depending on the student. There’s such a responsibility. What you said made me think of this quote in a different light. “Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.” This is a good leadership call to action for an administrator or a teacher, for how to lead in the best way possible. When you are a good listener and are there to support people, then you can teach them whatever you want. If you show that to faculty, they’ll listen to whatever you have to say. So, it’s a leadership call to action.

Tinisa Huff  09:20

So I’ll never forget my first year as a seventh grade, middle school, English language arts teacher. There was a student who came to school and every day I would always say good morning to him and he would never say good morning to me. I even had a conversation with him. I said, you know, sweetheart, when someone says good morning, you say good morning back, and he just huffed. But, every morning I kept saying good morning. Good morning. Good morning. It was March or April when one day he came into the room and he said good morning, Miss Huff. Well, good morning. I thought about it. He must have never had anybody say good morning to him. Maybe when he wakes up, his mom, or whoever his guardian is, has gone already. So, he’s waking up by himself. There’s nobody saying good morning. He doesn’t know that’s proper etiquette. That’s my job to teach him. This is what you do. Somebody says, good morning, you say it back. I wouldn’t give up, because I’m like, he’s going to say good morning.

Steve Fouts  10:17

You’re going to show him the rainbow until he comes into school in all colors.

Tinisa Huff  10:23

He was a grumpy kid. I’m like, why is this baby so grumpy. But, I just kept on. That’s what you do, right? It’s not about people who are nasty and rude, you get more with honey than you do with vinegar. My grandmother used to tell me that. Michelle Obama said, they go low, you go high. Sometimes you may want to go low with them, but two wrongs don’t make a right, they make a left. It is a leadership call to action. It’s all about building relationships and creating trust with their people, so when you have to talk about tough things and difficult things, it makes it a little bit easier, because you have that binding, and people know that you genuinely care about them. It’s about being authentic, and not toxic. I think it takes time. I’m new, but I’m really not new now, because this is my third year going in. At this point they’ve seen my two years and what my type of leadership is. I 100% believe that I’m a servant leader, and that I have my job because of the children that I’m serving, of the teachers that I’m serving. I often tell my parents, I am here to serve. I wouldn’t have a job if there were no children. I don’t take it for granted. I know that the work that I do is important, and that the job is complex. But, it’s all worth it in the end.

Steve Fouts  11:39

You just equated servant leadership with trying to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud. We’re all probably going to agree that it takes a lot of energy to be a rainbow. So, it really is a servant sentiment. Especially on those bad days, where we want to be there for everybody, but you have to bring your A game because you might not feel it. You know that other people need it more, that there are people fighting harder battles. From a leadership perspective, it’s almost your responsibility to put yourself in the background a little bit and project that out.

Tinisa Huff  12:33

It is not for the weak, and when you are an empath like I am, I have to be mindful of not letting everybody dump their stuff on me, because then I’m taking it with me. I have to be able to say, I’m here for you, how can I help? How can I make it better? Sometimes when my teachers come in I ask, do you want me to listen, or are we problem solving? I’ll ask that, so I know which hat, which mindset, and shift my mind and my thinking. It’s taxing, and you have to be careful because it’s draining. That’s my role, to listen, to fix problems, but it can be very heavy at times and you have to be able to not take it with you. You have to be able to say, okay, they told me that and I can help whatever way I can, but I have to leave it here.

Dan Fouts  13:23

You’ve meandered right into a counterclaim, Tinisa. I think.

Steve Fouts  13:28

I would say it’s the beginning of the counterclaim. We haven’t done it yet, but she laid the framework.

Dan Fouts  13:34

Okay, let’s go there.

Tinisa Huff  13:39

Am I starting off this one too? 

Steve Fouts  13:41

Go for it! 

Tinisa Huff  13:42 – Counterclaim

The counterclaim becomes, it’s not my job to lift you up and support you. Happiness starts from within. That’s an inside job. I’m sorry that you’re going through something today, but you have to work on whatever you have to work on. I can’t take that week. You have to work on your happiness. You have to set boundaries, so that you are your own rainbow. It’s not my job to make you feel good about you. That’s your job. 

Steve Fouts  14:14

I got my energy from my rainbow. You have to get your own rainbow. That’s the counterclaim. Well said. I don’t know if there’s much we can say. Where does happiness come from? It comes from the inside. If it comes from the inside, and there’s somebody spending all this energy trying to pick you up…  I’m going to add some meat to the counterclaim. When you spend all your energy helping people, some people end up taking so much of your energy. They just draw it out of you. They start relying on you, and thinking that they don’t really have to deal with this stuff. They have a Tinisa in their life, or a Steve, or a Dan. It becomes this never ending dependency. That’s a good way to say it.

Tinisa Huff  15:22

You have to be mindful. Givers have to be mindful of the takers, who always just take and take. They’re like vampires and suck the life right out of you. They don’t recognize what they’re doing. They’re not cognizant of it. That’s where the boundaries come into place. You have to be mindful when you’re trying to uplift other people of the impact of them dumping on you. Sometimes you get pulled into their drama and their nonsense. Then, you’re like, how did I get here when I wasn’t trying to be helpful. I’m going to stay over here by myself and let them do their thing.

Dan Fouts  16:00

I have a quick example with teaching, at the very beginning of my career. Most teachers fall into this mistake. You want to be a good servant leader. You want to make the kids happy. You want to be a rainbow in their cloud. Whenever they have a question about something they don’t understand, you’re there to answer it for them, and make them feel good. If you do that consistently, though, that creates a state of dependency with the kids. They’re not searching for answers themselves. I’m sharing something that connects, I think, to what we’re talking about here. You said to set boundaries, Tinisa. Setting up boundaries for a teacher and a student, where the teacher says, you know what, I think that’s your job to come up with something yourself. I’m here as a support, but I’m not going to solve all your problems. I’m here as a sounding board, but you’re here to do the work. That’s an important lesson for them.

Tinisa Huff  17:01

Very much so, and even with parents, right? Sometimes, that one parent that you accidentally give your phone number to and say, call me anytime, oh, man. It becomes not knowing the boundaries. Calling at night when it’s not an emergency. You can send me that email in the morning. They’re thinking about it right now. They might be irate or mad, and need to get it out, to say what they have to say. That boundary piece is very important. You talked about when you first started teaching. There’s this quote that I think about. It resonates so much with how my educational career started. I started teaching December 4, 2004. I’ll never forget that day, because I just had to teach. I was in a Chicago Public School at the time, and I was teaching at a school on the west side. I’ll never forget my first day. The substitute teacher, who had been with this class, told me I was their eighth teacher. Starting in December, which new teachers and my listeners know, is a no, no. If you can’t start in August or September, when the kids first start, then you might as well wait. You want to start when they start. I’m just saying, based on my experience. If it wasn’t for the two teachers who shared classrooms on either side of mine who constantly poured into me, they were my rainbows, there’s no way I could have continued. There’s no way, because that group was an arrest group. 

Steve Fouts  18:41

How old was the group? 

Tinisa Huff  18:43

They were in seventh grade. 

Steve Fouts  18:44

That’s tough.

Tinisa Huff  18:46

They were looking at me like, she’s not going to last long.

Steve Fouts  18:50

I know that look.

Tinisa Huff  18:52

I stuck it out, but I was like, did I just spend all my money at DePaul for this? I was like, what just happened here? This is not what I envisioned. This is not what they told me when I got my degree. They told me kids were going to sit down and everybody was going to listen. They didn’t prepare me for all of these behavior challenges. I learned a lot and it made me really strong in my classroom management skills, to the point that when I ended up transferring to another school, I thought I sucked as a teacher. I knew how to manage behaviors, but didn’t know how to actually teach.

Steve Fouts  19:26

Go more into that, Tinisa. Is that something you kind of fall into? You get so good at managing behaviors that you can have a silent room, a pin can drop, and no one can be learning.

Tinisa Huff  19:44

That’s the way I experienced it. They were hanging on my every word waiting, just waiting for it, and I didn’t know how to give it to him. I hadn’t been trained or supported in that way. It wasn’t until Forest Park, when I taught seventh grade English language arts, that I thought, okay, I know what I’m doing now. All of the growth that I experienced at my previous school set me up for that. Each of my schools has taught me something different. 

Steve Fouts  20:14

You just made me think of something for the first time in my career as a teacher. I think I fell into that problem, Tinisa. nice. I had a couple of difficult experiences, but just thinking about my first year teaching. I got good at managing my day, managing my classroom, and being happy. I had a struggle for happiness, and I won it, but, I don’t know if I was an effective teacher. I just got into homeostasis. I spent so much energy just trying to survive a situation that I didn’t challenge them enough. That was a testament I just gave right there.

Tinisa Huff  21:15

But, it’s real, I’m quite sure. You and I have experienced it, and so have many other teachers. The preparation programs where they train you to be a teacher are missing so many big pieces. I always said, I wish I could teach a college course on what schools don’t really teach you that you need to know, because there’s so much.

Dan Fouts  21:38

Often, when I’ve looked at this quote, I think that in the first years of teaching, a lot of times I wasn’t the rainbow in their cloud, because I was so stressed out. I didn’t know what I was doing, but there were students who were the rainbow in my cloud. 

Tinisa Huff  21:53

Yes.

Dan Fouts  21:54

Where I might have had a bad day, but I saw something of potential. It really got me going for the next day and the next week.

Tinisa Huff  22:04

A quick story. Speaking of my first year teaching, I remember there was one day that was so bad that I packed up all my stuff. I just said, I can’t, in front of my students with tears running down my face. You’re not supposed to ever let them see you sweat, or let them see you cry, but we’re human. Teaching 101, you never do that. You never cry in front of your class. I remember one of my male students, and I’m friends with him to this day. He is married with children, and we’re still friends. I’m friends with my students from my very first class, so I guess I did something right. He unpacked my stuff and he said, Miss Huff, we need you, you can’t leave us. That’s the only reason I stayed. His words hit me in the gut. I thought, he feels like I’m leaving him. Oh my God, then I’m not owning up to my commitments, my honor. I signed up for this. I can do it. But, it took him to say that to me. At that very moment, he was the rainbow in my cloud. He was genuine. He meant it. I looked at his face, and knew he felt how bad I felt in that moment. He was going to be the one kid, the good kid, who was going to get me to stay.

Steve Fouts  23:15

And he did. How old is he now? Early 20’s.

Tinisa Huff  23:21

Oh, dang, no, that’s 30.

Steve Fouts  23:25

Look, I’m not gonna say how old you are. I don’t want to think about that.

Tinisa Huff  23:28

 I’m not that old.

Dan Fouts  23:33

I have some who are 48, Tinisa. 

Tinisa Huff  23:35

Oh, no, I’m not 48.

Dan Fouts  23:37

No, some of my former students are 48 

Tinisa Huff  23:40

Wow. Woo.

Steve Fouts  23:41

Now that we’re sharing these stories, I was just in Costa Rica and had dinner with three Crane high school students from back in the 90’s. 

Tinisa Huff  23:58

Wow!

Steve Fouts  23:59

They were 41 or 42 years old. We’re sitting there having dinner at this big event for this group that came from Chicago to Costa Rica together. It was a coincidence that they were there and I was there. They said, hey Mr. Fouts. Rainbows. This is one where I don’t like the counterclaim, but it’s true. It’s like the reality punch.

Tinisa Huff  24:30

In life, you have those people who are going to reach out to try to help, and then you have those people who say, that’s not my business. That’s not my monkey, not my business. It’s very much the truth. You see this person struggling. How dare you not offer words of encouragement. I’m like that’s not my job.

Dan Fouts  24:55

But, as you said earlier, if you help too much, you create a state of dependency that might actually hurt the person in the long term.

Tinisa Huff  25:04

You become an enabler. Educators are helpful in nature. We want people to do well and succeed, especially people I think about all the time. I hope that every person I come in contact with, receives something from me. I understand my role as a principal. I alter the trajectory of many lives by decisions that I make or don’t make, by the things I say or don’t say. I have to be cognizant and mindful of that. I hope that I’m touching this kid’s life, and I’m touching his parent’s life, but you just never know.

Steve Fouts  25:44

You really don’t ever know, and they pick up on things that we do not intend. I guess it’s a way of being you have to get comfortable with, and then believe in that. Hopefully, it will work out for the right people at the right time. 

Dan Fouts  26:04

I was just going to say that for some kids, being a stable, consistent, predictable adult who stands in front of a classroom over the course of a week is being a rainbow in someone’s cloud. They can count on an adult to be there. So yeah, to your point, Steve, we don’t know how much we’re influencing.

Tinisa Huff  26:31

Listen, you often don’t see the fruits of your labor until many, many years to come. They talk about how teachers plant the seeds, because we don’t see it right now. We wonder if we’re reaching this kid, and then, you have kids, or adults, come back and tell you things. One student said, I remember you gave me this poem. I gave one of my seventh grade boys a poem from Tupac Shakur, “The Rose that Grew from Concrete,” and he was offended by it. It wasn’t until he was in high school, then when he got to college that he read it again. He came to me, and said, I understand now. I told him, I always saw your potential, and your ability, but you didn’t. You didn’t believe in yourself, but I believed in you. I’m telling you, you’re that rose that is going to grow from the concrete. I see it. You can go left or right, and I was hoping you would go in the right direction, and you did.

Steve Fouts  27:26

Dan, were you going to say something, because we have to get to that question, now.

Dan Fouts  27:31

Yeah.

Steve Fouts  27:31

I feel like it’s good timing. 

Dan Fouts  27:33

I’ve been working on a question. 

Steve Fouts  27:34

Okay. Tinisa, you have something cooked up, right?  I don’t have anything specific, but let’s get a question that balances these positives and negatives of being a helpful person. What’s the best way to be, so that you can stay positive and not get caught up in the negatives?

Dan Fouts  27:58

Tinisa, do you have one? 

Tinisa Huff  27:59

You want to hear mine? 

Dan Fouts  28:00

Yes, of course, we want to hear yours. 

Steve Fouts  28:02

You have two, good.

Tinisa Huff  28:03 – Essential Question

I think I do, because the other one just popped into my head, but I wrote this one down already. The first one is, how do you take care of yourself by being there for others?

Steve Fouts  28:12

That’s so great.

Tinisa Huff  28:13

The second one is, how can we set boundaries to protect our own self? It’s good to be there for others, but don’t be an enabler, and let the takers take. You have to set some type of boundary in place. How do we do that? When you set boundaries, it can be tough, because you feel bad. There’s guilt with it. I set this boundary, and now my loved one is hurt, but the boundary isn’t for them, the boundary is for you. My therapist will often tell me that you’re setting a boundary to protect yourself and you can’t worry about the other person’s feelings. It’s hard.

Dan Fouts  28:55

That’s hard. Your question is superior to mine. Mine has the same spirit. What’s the healthiest way to give and receive help? Same idea.

Tinisa Huff  29:11

It’s almost like you have to wait for people to come and ask you, but oftentimes, people won’t.

Dan Fouts  29:18

Steve, do you have one?

Steve Fouts  29:20

No. 

Dan Fouts  29:22

Thanks for participating.

Tinisa Huff  29:24

(laughing)

Steve Fouts  29:24

I mean, those are so big. I don’t even have a flippin’ answer for any of those, because my problem is the limits. I struggle with limits, I guess. I don’t know if that’s driven by guilt, or if I have this kind of complex that I want to be savior for somebody? I was definitely more like that when I was younger. Now, I’m a little more balanced, I hope, but I don’t know. I don’t know how to do it, because every situation is exactly unique in the universe. I feel like every new person just has this little thing about him that makes it impossible to follow through with your plan. I don’t know. I’m not good at it yet. You said you have a therapist, so I’m going to need her name and number.

Tinisa Huff  30:21

Listen, I’m advocating for mental health care and self care. I’m big on that, and social emotional learning to support all of that. We have to take care of ourselves. It’s not just your physical body, it’s your mental body, too. You need somebody you can go to talk to and who will tell you that how you’re feeling is not crazy. There have been times, I’ll be honest, I’m being really, really vulnerable, when I have felt like I’m losing my mind. I must be going crazy. I’m like, something’s not right. I need to talk to my therapist right now. Don’t invalidate your feelings. That’s the biggest lesson I’ve learned about things happening. I’m going to invalidate my feelings instead of just sitting in it, because guess what, when you sit in it, your heart is heavy. You don’t want to feel bad, nobody wants to feel bad, but there’s growth through being uncomfortable. Life is all about growth and change. Education is definitely about constant change. It’s the only thing that is constant, change.

Dan Fouts  31:18

Yeah, and that’s such a great point. This quote, “Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud,” can apply to any level of student. Any student could analyze this quote, and come up with their own age appropriate examples, evidence and stories. Look at us. We’re adult educators and we’re struggling with this. This is a timeless quote by Maya Angelou. Absolutely timeless.

Tinisa Huff  31:50

Because, there’s no right or wrong answer. As a person, you have to figure out what’s best for you, and do what’s best for you. As a leader, a leader of my school, I have to do what’s best for my students, and best for my teachers. The tricky part is knowing when to speak, when to advocate, and when to just be quiet. I’m constantly learning that. I learned a lot of that last year, and I’m constantly learning. That’s just the role that I play. I have to advocate, but say what you need to say respectfully, and then be done with it.

Steve Fouts  32:30

Be there to listen, but don’t take it home.

Tinisa Huff  32:33

Absolutely.

Dan Fouts  32:35

That’s great. All right. Well, that’s actually a good way to conclude this. Very important words of wisdom, Tinisa. It has been great having you on this show. I think we picked the right quote, for the right time, and we were all really passionate about it. 

Steve Fouts  32:55

And a great guest as well.

Dan Fouts  32:57

Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Stay on after we’re done here. We want to thank you so much for being our guest and caring about education in this way. We wish you the best in your journey as an administrator and forward.

Tinisa Huff  33:13

Thank you so much. It’s been a pleasure to be on the podcast with you. This is the second one I’ve done. 

Steve Fouts  33:18

Nice.

Tinisa Huff  33:20

(laughing) There might be something to the podcaster thing.

Steve Fouts  33:24

You’re a pro. Start your own. We’ll tell you what we know.

Tinisa Huff  33:28

Thank you guys so much. You have a good school year, and summer, and all of that.

Dan Fouts  33:34

Awesome. Thanks, everybody. We hope you’re walking away feeling energized by some great ideas, and have a sense of confidence that you, too, can master the art and science of conversations to make a lasting impact. We at Teach Different are dedicated to supporting you along that journey. Please visit teachdifferent.com to join the community of educators for additional resources and engaging discussion among fellow teachers and administrators free for 30 days. We’ll see you there, and next time, from the Teach Different podcasts. Take care.