“Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it.” – Teach Different with Anonymous Author

Transcript

Dan Fouts (00:10)

Hello everybody, welcome to the Teach Different podcast. Great to have you back listening. Hope you’re enjoying the different profound quotes along your journey for better conversations. Steve and I are always amazed, with these conversations, how so much interesting discussion can come from just one simple profound quote. You know, it doesn’t have to be any more complicated than that, which is a really cool part of this method. Hopefully, that people understand that you don’t have to have a lot to start a really good conversation. And today we have a quote, we’re going to call it anonymous. It’s actually attributed to Gandhi and also Ronald Reagan, but there’s actually no definitive author to it, but it’s gonna be on peace and conflict. And very, very interesting. We’re gonna get to that in a moment, but the method, as we know, we’re gonna start with this quote, and then we’re gonna articulate the claim and counterclaim to the quote, create a little tension, so we speak. It’s actually not peaceful. A lot of what we do with these quotes is we create conflict in our minds and we work out ideas and the tension is actually productive in helping us learn how to think critically and resolve our own beliefs. And we’ll do that and then we’ll ask some questions throughout. Organic, authentic, just raw questions that come from a great conversation. So Steve, you ready to go? Check this out. Here we go. Okay, so I’m gonna read it twice and it’s got a lot going on here. Again, anonymous, although often attributed to different people, but when you start digging, you realize it’s very hard to pin down exactly who said it. Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it. Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it. Where is this one going? Steve, what do you think? Claim here.

 

Steve Fouts (02:39)

Yeah, it’s an insight immediately into the inevitability of conflict, I think. And it’s a way to tell people to manage their expectations. Because what most people do is think that peace is the absence of conflict, where everyone’s getting along and there really isn’t friction, drama, struggle. But this quote is saying that it’s not the absence of conflict, it’s the way that you deal with conflict. And I really appreciate the quote just because of, could even say some of my experiences as a teacher on in Chicago, where the days where I didn’t do well were the days that I got caught up in a lot of the, maybe the negativity that was going on in the school at that time or, you know, if I was just having a bad day and I got caught up in it, that’s the kind of thing that happens where your bad days become really, really bad when you don’t get ahead of them and you don’t try to maintain your composure in the middle of chaos. I have to just share this quick story. I share from one of my experiences teaching at Crane High School on the West side of Chicago. Very volatile environment at times. The school was in a neighborhood that had housing projects across the street. So it was a very – there were times when a lot of the students were not getting along. There were different gangs. This was in the nineties. This was back in the nineties. I heard screaming in the hall teaching in one of my classes and I open the door and I look out in the hall and there’s just hordes of students running down the hall and they’re screaming and this never happens, right? This is like everybody’s scared and there must be something going on. So again, I was in a peaceful moment at that moment because I said to myself I’m gonna go and see what is wrong. And I started running toward people, not running, but walking quickly toward the people that were running away. I turned and I saw there was a metal trash can in the middle of the hall that was on fire, meaning the papers in it were all burning and it was on fire. And it was a circular metal trash can. And I remember that the piece I had in my mind at that time, was carried through as I looked at the fire, I said, this is a perfect place to have a fire. If you’re gonna have a fire, it’s a metal trash can, it’s burning in the middle of the hall, the flames are not hitting the ceiling, and it’s just gonna burn out. That was literally my first thought. And I didn’t have any of the hysteria. So that was kind of a story to kick us off here. There’s an example of something where, I was at peace, but my environment was not feeding into that. It was my own mental state that was able to decide that I was gonna remain calm in the midst of conflict. I know it’s a…

 

Dan Fouts (06:53)

Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it.

 

Steve Fouts (07:01)

I was coping with something, with my mind.

 

Dan Fouts (07:04)

Yeah, yeah. I would use an example a little bit more aligned to just being a teacher, especially when you’re learning the profession, maybe four or five years in, when you become much better at managing the human relationships in your room and all of the conflict that occurs between students and between students and the teacher. Daily, that’s a challenge. And your ability to cope with that is the foundation of your success as an educator, I think, because if you can manage the emotional relationship to the students, then you have a foundation upon which you can teach them content or whatever it is you’re doing. And that is the power of your mind to cope with it because there’s going to be conflict. Every day in a classroom, there is conflict. How do you deal with it? What do you model as a teacher? So, I mean, this really speaks to me as a teacher more than anything else. I’m sure there’s other examples.

 

Steve Fouts (08:04)

Right. Right. That’s a really good point. Now you’re making me think of the methods teacher, the person who helped me learn how to teach, who is trying to ask the class, I remember the question he asked. said, does anyone know why you shouldn’t get mad at your classes and everybody was a little blank. And then I do remember like a bolt of lightning I said, because you can’t think. And he said, exactly. He said, you always have to be ahead of what’s happening in your class. You can’t get caught up in the conflict. And your ability to cope with it will allow you to think clearly and make good decisions. I mean, that’s one of the nice parts of peace. A lot of times you will make better decisions.

 

Dan Fouts (09:21)

You have to be the adult in the room, always. You cannot let yourself be drawn in to conflicts, but you are drawn in. so you have to ignore. What I like about this quote, peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it. It’s essentially acknowledging that life is conflict, that life is war, so to speak. So don’t go about your everyday thinking that there’s gonna be nothing but comfort and peace. Know that there’s going to be things out of control. Know that there’s going to be people warring against each other. And take that reality and say to yourself, what can you control? What you can control is how you react to it. And in that way, this is a very stoic quote, I think, and we’ve had several stoic quotes in our library that this will inspire me to check out, but it’s very, very stoic.

 

Steve Fouts (10:27)

Definitely stoicism. But flip the script on it. My first thought is…I’m kind of torn. I get where if Gandhi said this, for instance, or if someone believes this, who’s in a constant state of conflict, there’s only one way to survive and that’s to somehow find peace in it. I’m thinking of people who end up getting in conflicts themselves because of their behavior or because of patterns that

they don’t recognize or hurt them and I think sometimes peace can be the absence of conflict. It’s something that you should – maybe conflict is a sign that you do have to change your own ways. It would depend on whether you’re in control of the conflict or not. This is where I’ll acknowledge what you’re saying. What about conflicts that we are in control with? We create them with our attitude, you know, with maybe even our addictions. Where we know that certain things that we do, we shouldn’t do and that they create a world that’s chaotic, but we do them anyway. I would say in those cases, peace is stopping it, because it doesn’t have to be there. Conflict doesn’t always have to be there. I’ll end it there.

 

Dan Fouts (12:19)

Yeah, Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it. My counterclaim, I think, is more straightforward in that peace is the absence of conflict. Your external environment, when there is no conflict, that is a definition of peace, just as much as controlling your mind in the midst of chaos and uncertainty is a definition of peace. So this, think that, so here, this is where a question is. What is peace? Is what I would ask the essential question coming from this. What kind of piece are you talking about? External piece between people or you talk about an internal piece? Because depending on which one you focus on, you’re gonna have a different read on this.

 

Steve Fouts (13:16)

Maybe, you could also argue that if you grow up in conflict that’s out of your control, it’s hard to argue that peace wouldn’t be the absence of these external forces, even though it’s not your fault.

 

Dan Fouts (13:35)

That’s what I was trying to say. It would then be an external thing where if there’s nothing out there that’s in conflict, well then you have peace.

 

Steve Fouts (13:38)

Yeah. Yeah. That’s actually the more intuitive sense. This is counter-intuitive, what he’s saying.

 

Dan Fouts (13:52)

I agree. Yeah, I think the claim is more counterintuitive. So questions then, Steve, how am I able, what’s the best way to cope with conflict?

 

Steve Fouts (14:05)

Yeah. What’s the best path to peace? Some people argue that conflict creates peace. Like if two people end up fighting it out because they’ve been at odds for so long and one of them loses, it does create peace. There’s kind of an acknowledgement that, know what? You got me. You’re bigger than I am. You can beat me. And then it ends. You actually respect someone more after you fight them. It’s a way to address conflict.

 

Dan Fouts (14:54)

So a question then would be, can conflict be a pathway to peace?

 

Steve Fouts (15:02)

There you go. There you go.

 

Dan Fouts (15:04)

And if so, when under in what conditions? See, that’s a question you ask that in a crowd of adolescents or in a crowd of adults. Think of the personal stories that would be told there.

 

Steve Fouts (15:19)

That’s great. I would have a prompt ready on that one. And I would say, has anyone in here ever gotten into an altercation, a fight with another student and you’ve ended up being really good friends and you’re almost glad that you went through that situation. That is a way to achieve peace.

 

Dan Fouts (15:48)

Great Yeah, and sometimes it’s almost like the cost. You have to go through the cost of conflict in order to achieve peace sometimes. And so then the deeper question might be, you know,

 

how much should I have to sacrifice in order to achieve peace? How much conflict should I have to go through in order to achieve peace? Okay, this is…

 

Steve Fouts (16:20)

Right. That’s huge. That can be used in today’s world with the different wars that are going on and the frustration that certain sides have who’ve been in conflict for so long that they didn’t bring on themselves. And they’re supposed to be peaceful, right? They’re supposed to somehow find a way to survive in that because they realize they’re not protected. That’s a really challenging feeling when you feel like you’re not protected and you have to kind of handle your own safety. That’s when conflict is difficult. It’s difficult to find peace when your own safety is in question.

 

Dan Fouts (17:12)

I mean, think of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and how that as well, mean, any, it’s funny in a history class, just going there for a minute, a curriculum connection, any kind of war or conflict you could work this quote off of. And does this conflict that we’re studying in a history class, does that, is this supposed

 

Steve Fouts (17:15)

Well, I was thinking of Ukraine.

 

Dan Fouts (17:42)

The claim or the counterclaim or how do you read the Civil War and this quote together? my gosh, that would be so fascinating to hear people handle those two things and try to connect them.

 

Steve Fouts (17:58)

Yeah, yeah, read it one more time and then –

 

Dan Fouts (18:04)

Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it.

 

Steve Fouts (18:12)

Yeah.

 

Dan Fouts (18:13)

You know, presidents and okay. All right, here we go. This is by the way, the Teach Different Method. We hope these are sparks, right? These should be sparks for continual conversation that you have later. You know, a lot of times you can judge the value of a conversation by what it births for later, not necessarily in the event in which it occurs. This is one that you could really stick with you and bring up.

 

Steve Fouts (18:25)

Yeah. You know, and we’ve, look, can I bring in one more just quick thought about just relationships? You know, being in a relationship with someone, whether it’s a friend, significant other. It’s probably a good idea to approach a healthy relationship by acknowledging there are going to be conflicts. If you think they’re not, it’s not realistic, but you want peace. You don’t wanna have drama constantly with the person you’re spending so much time with. So maybe it’s really focusing your energies on when conflicts happen, what kind of a person do you want to be? Do you want to be a communicator? Do you want to be someone who is make sure that they’re understood so that you don’t have a miscommunication that’s part of the reason that things aren’t working out? You know, do you want to take a deep breath and not use those words that you’re going to regret? It really does say a lot about how you live, by how you deal with conflict. This is what I like about the quote.

 

Dan Fouts (20:00)

Yeah. Yeah, how can conflict be used as an opportunity to build character?

 

Steve Fouts (20:09)

Yeah.

 

Dan Fouts (20:11)

It can be a character building thing if managed right.

 

Steve Fouts (20:15)

Right, right. I like character building.

 

Dan Fouts (20:16)

So here we go, that’s human relationships. We went from history and presidents and wars to human relationships all because of this quote. This is the method. This is the Teach Different Method in action. You never know when you’re gonna end up. So, okay. Well, yeah, great, great quote. So this isn’t, we’re gonna give it to anonymous here because it’s attributed to Gandhi. Also Ronald Reagan has –

 

Steve Fouts (20:32)

Great stuff. Love it.

 

Dan Fouts (20:45)

a quote similar to this, but it’s anonymous. Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it. Hope the listeners out there try this one out with your family, your classroom, your community, whomever you wanna connect with. Thank you so much and we’ll see you next time.