“A friend to all is a friend to none.” Aristotle – Friendship

Transcript

Steve Fouts: 0:04 

Hey everybody, Steve and Dan Fouts here. We’re teaching different with a quote from Aristotle about friendship. Here’s the quote, “A friend to all is a friend to none.” Now, students are going to have a really strong opinion about friendship, because what student hasn’t experienced it? When kids are young and developing their own personality they have different ways of approaching friendships. Some might have just one or two friends, and others might have many. Friendship is a word students take seriously. Sometimes friendships can create a bit of chaos, especially when students are changing friends, sometimes bitterness results. As you grow older your idea of what a friend is may change too. 

Dan Fouts: 1:13 

The definition of friend has so many variations. Some people think of friends as people to hang out with on the weekend and laugh together. Others think of friends more seriously, choosing only a few best friends. They treat the word friend with more dignity. It’s interesting how they have different definitions for what constitutes a friend. Kids are thinking about this all the time. 

Steve Fouts: 1:43 

What would you say the claim is to this quote? 

Dan Fouts: 1:49 – Claim

“A friend to all is a friend to none.” It seems like Aristotle is saying that you can’t be everybody’s friend. If you say that everyone you meet is your friend, you’re almost devaluing the whole idea of what a friend is. It’s something much more meaningful than this superficial relationship. So, you can’t be everybody’s friend. That’s not using the word friend appropriately. I think that’s what he’s saying. 

Steve Fouts: 2:24 

I think you’re right, and it’s got an emotional sentiment to it, as well. There are always pleasers out there, students who want everyone to be happy. They want, for whatever reason, to avoid conflicts and be well liked by everybody. That’s important to some students. This quote is really calling those types of students out. 

Dan Fouts: 2:53 

Think of social media and the whole idea that having a lot of friends on social media is a status symbol. Aristotle would be horrified.

Steve Fouts: 3:05 

That’s a really good example of something to bring up. Ask the students about these friends on social media. Are they really friends? And you want a friend?  

Dan Fouts: 3:16 

What constitutes a friend? How do you define it? 

Steve Fouts: 3:18 

Well, think of a counterclaim to this, a friend to all is a friend to none.  What’s the counterclaim? 

Dan Fouts: 3:29 – Counterclaim

Well, you can have a lot of friends is the first thing that I would say. What’s wrong with having a lot of friends. Who thinks Aristotle should have the key definition here of what an actual friend is? Maybe the true value of friendship is that it is spread evenly throughout a lot of people. There’s nothing wrong with that at all.  

Steve Fouts: 3:53 

I agree, and that’s where the definition of friend should come out. That should be a real focus of this conversation. Getting students to define friend. I do agree with you that people will claim it’s a really good sign if you can get along with a lot of people. You don’t have to put all your eggs in one basket. When people decide to change friends, you don’t have to be bitter and feel betrayed because you’ve got some other people to rely on. I don’t know if that’s the way people think about it, but that’s one way to look at it. When you have a lot of friends, maybe losing one or two is okay. It’s not going to devastate you. 

Dan Fouts: 4:50 

This takes me back to college. Aristotle has a theory on friendship that I think is interesting, and that teachers could use. He categorizes friends into three categories, pleasure friends, utility friends, and virtue friends.  Pleasure friends make you feel good, they make you laugh whenever you’re around them for limited periods of time. You get a hedonistic pleasure being around them. Then you have your utility friends. They’re friends that you use in some way. Now, that sounds really bad, but what he meant by that was you might be a friend with someone at work because you’re looking for a promotion. He’s not saying it’s bad as a goal, but there’s a goal to it. You’re not friends with them because you intrinsically like them, but you need something from them. Virtue friends are what he thought were your best friends. You want happiness for your virtue friends for their own sake, not for any pleasure or utility for you. You are in the friendship for each other’s benefit. His argument was that you needed more virtue friends, and there aren’t many people like that. This makes sense given the quote.

Steve Fouts: 6:23 – Essential Question

It’s also getting at the definition of what a friend is. Aristotle had different  definitions of what friends are, and the Greeks were great with this. They had different definitions of what love is, as well. They didn’t think of all these as one word to describe all types of people. I think that’s actually a good precursor. If you could talk about the different definitions that the students have of friends, then you could end this conversation with an essential question like, What does it mean to be a friend? That’s going to reveal a lot about how friendship is valued by a student. Is having a lot of friends important to them or do they prefer to have just a few? What do they get out of their friendships? 

Dan Fouts: 7:24 

I have them reflect on that, then they can think about their own  relationships in their life and evaluate them based on this evolving definition of what a friend is. 

Steve Fouts: 7:38 

I hope you liked Aristotle this week and this theme of friendship. Make sure you make it to teachdifferent.com and sign up for our weekly newsletter. We’ll send you a conversation every week about a theme like this and you can get a conversation going in class. Then we have the Teach Different society where we’ve got a library of conversations. You can choose from extra resources and some cool tools to get the conversation going in your class. I think the students will love this one on friendship. Take care everybody. We will see you soon.  

Dan Fouts: 8:15 

Take care.